I Remember, "Blur" entry

[jennytork.livejournal.com]

TITLE: I Remember
AUTHOR: jennytork
WORD COUNT: 218
CHARACTERS: Twelfth Doctor
SPOILERS: Through season 8, story 1
SUMMARY: They're all a part of me. And I remember. I Celebrate.



Recorder. Long rainbow scarf. Cricket stripes. Coat of many colours. Leather and jeans. Trainers. Bow ties and fez.

All of these are part of me. All of these I have worn. I have been.

After awhile, they all sort of blur together.

I'm on my thirteenth life. Not completely unprecedented – the Master was given a second full complement of twelve as a reward by our people and then took a third for himself once he burned through those. But I fully expected to die after twelve.

I fully expected to die on Trenzalore. I wasn't expecting to be given a full second complement of twelve regenerations. That took me more than a bit by surprise.

But here's what's changed. And I didn't realise it myself until Vastra pointed it out shortly after this regeneration settled down.

Each and every time I would regenerate before – each and every time – I would completely re-invent myself. I would consciously forget what came before. Push it away, like it never happened. Forget he had ever existed.

But now? I remember. I celebrate. I am equally at home in jeans and t-shirts and hooded jackets, as well as crushed velvet coats and cravats. I am determined never to forget my twelve previous lives.

Any of them.

Because they are me.

END