The Monster Behind the Man ("Undesirable" Entry)

[roseglade.livejournal.com]

Title: The Monster Behind the Man

Rating: PG

Word Count: 1,279 words

Characters:  The War Doctor and Bad Wolf

Spoilers: The Day of the Doctor

Warnings: N/A

Episode Setting: During “The Day of the Doctor”

Summary: There was no other way … it had to be done.

And he walked.  It seemed like forever until he could stop.  If the Tardis every knew what he was doing she would not be pleased with him.  He didn’t want to do this, but it must be done.  There was no other way.  The journey must be travelled. The war and malfeasances of the government had gone on long enough.  It must end now.

The bag on his back and his heart grew heavier with every step he took.  He knew what was really in the bag:  The destruction of the whole Gallifreyan race.  The Moment.  It was feared by all creatures, including him.  Was he willing to destroy his home planet for the safety of the others? Was he really willing to give up all his future adventures for the benefit of the galaxy?  To stop this bloody war, he would do anything.

He looked up from the sandy soil and locked eyes with an old, abandoned house.  He sighed deeply because he knew this place very well.  In that house were all his memories of his first life.  His first steps. His first words.  His first meal.  That was his home.

He wondered if his parents still lived there.  It seemed unlikely, but his parents were an unlikely pair to begin with. Not like I would like to see them.   They wouldn’t be able to recognize the monster behind the man.  He lightly fingered the decaying wood of the door and took a deep breath.  He pushed the door open and accepted his destiny for the first time.

The door creaked open and sighed in relief as he found it empty.   It seemed only home to a few worn down boxes and broken furniture.  The Doctor felt sorry for the house.  It should have been taken care more.  It seemed such a pity to be wasting away out here with no one to live in it.

He carefully placed the bag on the floor.   He quickly untied the bag and pushed it away so as to see the content inside.  It was beautiful.  Every tick was perfectly spaced out and precise.  It was truly a work of art, but terribly complex. Just once, couldn’t there just be a big red button?

Suddenly there was a rustling that came from outside the house.  Concerned it was a Timelord, he rose and opened the door. There was no one in sight.  He called out and no one replied.

“It’s nothing.  It’s just a wolf.”  A voice said from behind him and that’s when everything started.

**********  

“I’m sorry.”  The Doctor sighed.  “What’s your name again?”

“Bad Wolf,”  She replied as she sat on a box.  “Or the Moment.  Call me what you like.  You’d think you’d remember.  It’s only two words, no longer than your own.”

Bad Wolf.  Such a strange name for such a strange girl. The Doctor stared at the girl and she smiled at him.

“You think I’m strange.”  Bad Wolf giggled.  “I guess that’s true, but you’re strange too.  You stole a Tardis to explore the universe.  Most people wouldn’t do that, they’d buy a bus ticket or something like that.”

“Yeah, but I’m not some crazy spirit haunting a box created for mass destruction.”

“True,”  Bad Wolf smiled.  “So, what do you plan to do with me?  I mean you, of all people, aren’t going to blow up the whole world.  You’re the Doctor, defender of worlds, champion of justice.  There are thousands upon thousand of people living here.  Are you really that cold hearted to destroy a whole planet?”

“No,”  The Doctor replied.  “But it must be done.  This war has gone on long enough. Too many have died already for a cause that will never come to be.”

“But why you?”  She asked as she hopped of the box she was sitting on.  “You could have told someone to do it for you.  Besides, you always run.  Running is the only thing you know how to do.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is.  You stole a Tardis to “explore the universe” when in reality you were just running from all your responsibilities.  I know you Doctor.  I can read your thoughts. Now, you're thinking how unlikely it is for someone to be able to read minds, but in your heart, you know I’m possible.”

“Stop calling me the Doctor, I lost that right the moment I drank from the chalice that changed me into this.”

“But you are, the Doctor.”  She smiled, sassily.    “Doctor, Doctor, gimme the news I got a bad case of lovin’ you!  Oh, that was strange.  Don’t know where that came from.”

“Would you be-”  The Doctor stopped.

“What?”  She laughed.  “Be what?”

“Nothing,”  He sat on the one of the boxes and she sat next to him.

“You’re afraid.”  She whispered in his ear.  “You’re afraid of yourself … what you are becoming.”

It was true.  He was scared of what he had become.  He didn’t want to be the man that ran away from his problems.  He didn’t want to be the man that everyone knew flew instead fought. He didn’t want to lose anyone anymore the way he lost Cass.  He had lost so many of the people he loved already.  He didn’t want to be a monster.  He wanted to change and he guessed that by drinking from the chalice the Sisterhood of Karn offered him, it would do that.  But it didn’t.  It made him into a war machine that everyone feared.  He had been called “the Warrior”, the “Doctor of War”, and “The Renegade” all titles which shamed his previous lives.

“I’m not the man I used to be.”  He whispered back.   “I’m not the Doctor, I’m a monster.  ”

“You really are a stubborn one, aren’t you?” Bad Wolf blew the hair out of her eyes.  “You don’t want to blow up the world, I know that for sure.  You’re not a monster and you need to admit that to yourself.  You’ve held it in to long.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“No,”  Her eyes flashed gold and he shut up.  “You’re not.  You have been holding all these emotions, and fears inside of you and have had no one to share them with.  Share them with me.  You can trust me … I think.”

“For an interface of a world wide destruction, you sure do comfort your kidnappers.”

“Well, I like you so I’ll make an exception.”

“I … I don’t want to do this.  If I could do anything else I would, but they won’t stop fighting!  It’s absolutely mad.  If only they would sit down and talk then everything would be fine.”

“Yeah, talking helps a lot.  Then again Daleks don’t like to talk, they would argue.   Arguing gets you nowhere. ”

“Bad Wolf, I cannot wait for our travels together.  You seem like the kind of girl who will get things done not matter what is in your way.”

“Aww,”  She blushed.  

“I wish, I didn’t have to do this.  This is about the most terrible thing I’ve had to do yet.”

“Oh, don’t worry, you’ll do worse things.”

The Doctor sighed and turned away from Bad Wolf.  That wasn’t exactly what he had wanted to hear, but he figured it would happen at one time or another.  What he was going to do, he would do without choice.  It may hurt now, but it will hurt more if he was to do it later.    He was in it for the long run, whether he or the monster won.

The Doctor and Bad Wolf exchanged puzzled glances when out of nowhere a red fez fell to the ground in front of them.