Twenty Impossible Things At Never
Feb. 8th, 2013 02:32 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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who_contestTitle: Twenty Impossible Things At Never
Author: Plaidphoenix
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 369
Genre: Crack
Characters/Pairings: Ten, OC, Ten/OC
Spoilers: None as long as you're current through the Tenth Doctor
Warnings/Disclaimer: This is NOT the best piece of fanfiction ever written.
Summary: The Doctor and his new companion have a conversation. If you can call it that .
"So," declares the Doctor(Number 10 of Ratings divided by Infinity), as he and his brand spanking new companion who doesn't have a name because the author decided not to give a name to because OC companions have the staying power of a Cyberman wearing a bikini, "random companion person whose name I don't remember, I have decided to call you 'Bikini Girl'. I know it's a bit sexist and not very flattering, but nowadays most of my companions have the staying power of a Cyberman in a bikini, so I'm afraid you're stuck with it."
"You're a right bastard," Bikini Girl exclaims, "you know that?"
"Well, you've got me there," the Doctor admits. "But at least I've dissuaded you from the notion of ever having sex with me."
"I wouldn't bet on that," Bikini Girl mutters under her breath.
"I could tell you, 'Not bloody likely', in five million different languages," the Doctor tries to explain with a patented roll of his eyes, "but what it comes down to is that while I am a highly evolved being from a highly advanced civilization that is now extinct, thank you Russell T. Davies, I may have the fashion sense of Poindexter, but I have the morals of a 17th century Puritan. I'm 950 years old and I haven't had sex the last 850 of them. If I didn't get it on with girls who are far hotter and far more inclined to put out, what makes you think I'll be making the 'beast with two backs' with you?"
"Because," says Bikini Girl, "One: The writer of this horrendous piece of fanfic has decided you need a pity shag. And reasons two through twenty are that I'm the direct descendant of almost every female companion you've ever had, including, but not limited to, Rose Tyler, Martha Jones, Sarah Jane Smith, River Song and just about every other woman with a pulse that's crossed your path."
"Bloody hell," the Doctor grumbles as he tries to comprehend what is about to happen to him.
"Bloody hell is right," Bikini Girl says as she takes the Doctor by the hand, "and if you behave, I just might introduce you to my sister, Lingerie Girl."
Author: Plaidphoenix
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 369
Genre: Crack
Characters/Pairings: Ten, OC, Ten/OC
Spoilers: None as long as you're current through the Tenth Doctor
Warnings/Disclaimer: This is NOT the best piece of fanfiction ever written.
Summary: The Doctor and his new companion have a conversation. If you can call it that .
"So," declares the Doctor(Number 10 of Ratings divided by Infinity), as he and his brand spanking new companion who doesn't have a name because the author decided not to give a name to because OC companions have the staying power of a Cyberman wearing a bikini, "random companion person whose name I don't remember, I have decided to call you 'Bikini Girl'. I know it's a bit sexist and not very flattering, but nowadays most of my companions have the staying power of a Cyberman in a bikini, so I'm afraid you're stuck with it."
"You're a right bastard," Bikini Girl exclaims, "you know that?"
"Well, you've got me there," the Doctor admits. "But at least I've dissuaded you from the notion of ever having sex with me."
"I wouldn't bet on that," Bikini Girl mutters under her breath.
"I could tell you, 'Not bloody likely', in five million different languages," the Doctor tries to explain with a patented roll of his eyes, "but what it comes down to is that while I am a highly evolved being from a highly advanced civilization that is now extinct, thank you Russell T. Davies, I may have the fashion sense of Poindexter, but I have the morals of a 17th century Puritan. I'm 950 years old and I haven't had sex the last 850 of them. If I didn't get it on with girls who are far hotter and far more inclined to put out, what makes you think I'll be making the 'beast with two backs' with you?"
"Because," says Bikini Girl, "One: The writer of this horrendous piece of fanfic has decided you need a pity shag. And reasons two through twenty are that I'm the direct descendant of almost every female companion you've ever had, including, but not limited to, Rose Tyler, Martha Jones, Sarah Jane Smith, River Song and just about every other woman with a pulse that's crossed your path."
"Bloody hell," the Doctor grumbles as he tries to comprehend what is about to happen to him.
"Bloody hell is right," Bikini Girl says as she takes the Doctor by the hand, "and if you behave, I just might introduce you to my sister, Lingerie Girl."
(no subject)
Date: 2013-02-08 08:10 pm (UTC)*Giggles and squishes you*
(no subject)
Date: 2013-02-09 04:28 pm (UTC)This made me LOL: I'm the direct descendant of almost every female companion you've ever had. Well, of course she is!
We totally need a Lingerie Girl sequel. :-p