Memory Space ('River' entry)

[templeremus.livejournal.com]

Title: Memory Space
Word Count: 440
Rating: PG for angst
Spoilers for ‘Forest of the Dead’
Warnings: None
Summary: River grows into her half-life.

This is a secret: there are times when River regrets that CAL ever saved her.      

On days like those she does not wait for the mood to pass. In the Data Core such yearnings can make a Hell out of eternity. Instead she wishes for her best walking boots, engrained with the earth from a thousand different worlds; shoulders the rucksack that awaits her by the door, and leaves without a second glance.

No need for a map or itinerary. Here the hours move with the seamless rapidity of thought. She can begin one trip in Ancient History, where the dust lies thick as snow and the air buzzes with time distortions; take her next steps in the noonday sun over Romance, and still be home before the children think to miss her. As long as she forgets them, they will never be left alone: Doctor Moon makes sure of that.

He is waiting by the kitchen table upon her return, briefcase in one hand and a mug of cocoa in the other. “Good evening, Professor. The children are looking forward to their bedtime story.”

And just like that they are restored, Joshua Ella Charlotte, a surge of love so fierce it is almost painful. River stoops to kiss each of them in turn; perfect little fictions, real as she is. “Hello, my dear ones.” The smell of books is still in the roof of her mouth, and words pound within like her pulse once did, countless lifetimes ago.  “Have I told you about the Singing Towers? No? Well. Let me see if I can remember the tune.”

They are (will always be) too young to know the sadness of that song, yet its rhythm holds them nonetheless. The twins huddle close to each other, burrowing into their duvets; Charlotte sits cross-legged at the foot of her bed, her face calm and impassive as its echo in the Library.

“River, do you imagine being back outside?”

The memory breaks over River like a wave, then recedes.  “Outside what, darling?”

“Outside this. The Data Core.”

Her first instinct is to lie, but she represses it. Lies can only protect the living. “Yes. I do.”

“Me too. But it’s good in here, isn’t it? A special place.” Something clears from the child’s gaze, a falling-away of centuries, and she reaches out her arms for an embrace. Even when River blinks, the warmth of her remains. “Sing it again, please.”

(Here is another secret: every once in a very long while, at the end of a day in which nobody dies at all, she wants for no other world but this.)

Comments

[radiolaires]

Oh. This is fantastic. The way you wrote River's adventures in the datacore is amazing: without a doubt my favourite excerpt. River being selfish enough to lose herself in stories and lose the children altogether. And the possibilities described: all the books in all of human History. A mind timeless and daring like River's would not resist.
The structure is on point -an open secret disclosed by the end, another between parentheses that includes words from the very first story the children heard from River- and Charlotte and Dr. Moon are scarily accurate in their speech and roles around River. In fact, the whole simplicity as well as cruelty and kindness of this universe is so perfectly written. It's a program, but still her final resting place, her "Heaven". It's so striking how much you managed to pour in of the original datacore Universe depicted in the short time the show allowed to it. What I meant is that most writers will come with their own interpretation of it, sometimes darker, or more complex, or lighter, or more romantic, and to a certain extent it may be only natural. But here it seems so exactly fitting to the tone set in the show and on such a short length, it's quite a feat.
I absolutely adored the Singing Tower being a song -or was it an extended metaphor? Perfect. Really beautifully written and intelligent. Thank you for sharing!

Favourite line: And just like that they are restored, Joshua Ella Charlotte, a surge of love so fierce it is almost painful. The opposition between the physical pain and the computer physics... The rush of names, as if they were one person -and in the datacore, surely they are one entity... And of course River being loved... Because she deserves it so much.

[templeremus.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. <3 I love these drabble challenges, because it becomes about trying to fit as much as I can into a relatively short space; and River's fate, suitably enough, starts off looking relatively simple but becomes more complex and bittersweet the more we know about her. Thematically it can be difficult to reconcile with other aspects of the show, which dwell on the implicit horror of immortality or condemn the pursuit of it. Yet River is a character who takes ownership of her story in life, with all its twists and revisions and half-truths - so to me it seems entirely fitting that she would actually become the story in the end.

[radiolaires]

I am half tempted to quote back at your answer because it is such a poignant and accurate description of River in the Library. Heart-breaking. You conveyed everything there is to explain. Thank you!