Alone and Palely Loitering ('Ail' entry)

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Title: 'Alone and Palely Loitering'
Rating: G
Genre: Angst/Character Study/Introspection
Word Count: 500
Pairings or Characters: Eleventh Doctor, the Master (Ainley version)
Spoilers: Takes place just before 'The Snowmen'
Warnings: None
Summary: Sick at hearts, he'd said.
Author's Notes: The title quotes 'La Belle Dame Sans Merci', by John Keats.

The moment I stepped out of my TARDIS, I knew that something was wrong.

The Doctor stood with his back to me. "I should have expected you," he said, his voice tired. "My luck hasn't improved. It was only a matter of time before you showed up."

"We're the proverbial bad pennies," I replied. "Somehow, neither of us can quite shake the other."

"How did you find me?" He turned to me then, and I was taken aback. I hadn't seen him look so young since our boyhood. He looked like a child.

"Quite by accident. I landed in London on a whim, and heard rumors about a cloud that never disappeared, even on the sunniest days. Someone must be responsible."

"You always knew me too well. When is this for you?"

I smiled. "Does it matter?"

The grin I received in reply was more a bitter gash than a true smile. Hard green eyes glinted in the starlight. "I suppose not."

"What's the matter," I wondered, stepping closer. "You don't seem...yourself."

He turned away, surveying the city beneath us. "Sick at hearts."

"What happened? Or perhaps you don't think that you can confide in me."

"Why not? I have nothing to lose." He let out a weary sigh. "That's what's happened. Too many years of loss. It got to be too much."

An odd emotion knotted its way into my chest, clenched at my hearts. The emotion was so scantly familiar to me that I needed a moment to identify it.

Regret. I was feeling regret at this peculiar admission. It felt as though something was ending, something that neither of us could live without.

The pain worsened as he continued. "If you came here wanting to conquer this planet, take it. It's yours. I'm not going to fight you for it. Not anymore."

"You'd actually give up," I asked. "As easily as that?"

His response was immediate. "Yes. I'm tired of fighting for things I can't protect."

The ache in his voice reverberated through me. Aching in kind, I reached a hand out for his shoulder. Just before I could clasp it, I found myself pausing, uncertain as to whether the contact would be welcome.

My hesitation confused me. I'd never been one to care too deeply about my old friend's feelings. Once, I would have forced him to accept the contact, treasured his reluctance. Now...

At last, I let my hand drop to my side. Clenched it into a fist, frustrated with my own inexplicable futility. Suddenly, nothing made sense.

My oldest friend...my greatest enemy...surrendering? To me? Not giving his all for the things he cared about? The Doctor, giving up on being the Doctor?

Sick at hearts, he'd said.

That was...unacceptable. Impossible. Not to be endured.

"Never give up," I murmured as I turned away. "This universe needs you too much."

I need you too much, I wanted to add. But I couldn't bring myself to. Such an admission would cost more than I could give.

Comments

[ladysugarquill]

That was sad :(

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

♥

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

Even someone as twisted and scary as him couldn't seem to push him over the edge! Such a beautiful story, but I must say is you or I were to live as long as them... Wouldn't you feel the strain on your hearts too? I must say he does well to hold himself together. But when he cries he shows he isn't made of stone. Yet crying doesn't mean weakness... It means they've been strong for far to long!

I adored this! Such a sorrowful, yet beautiful take between the two of them! Old enemies... Even older friends! :)

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Thanks so, so much! ♥

couldn't seem to push him over the edge!

He wasn't going to, though; he wanted to offer comfort.

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

Nice touch to tell it from the Master's POW- I kind of assumed it was the Doctor's. And I liked how the Doctor's misery actually pulled out something not evil from the Master. :)

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Thanks very much. :)

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

*beams* Thanks, lovely! ♥

[flowsoffire.livejournal.com]

Love Eleven's reactions and mannerisms, and the Master's heartaches—the situation is really interesting and bittersweet :D The ending especially… Lots of emotions. Very nice work! :)

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Thanks so much, sweetheart! :D

♥

[paynesgrey.livejournal.com]

Wow, fantastic interaction between them. There's a lot of depth and heartache in their relationship here, and you portray that wonderfully. Well done.

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Thanks so much! I'm fascinated by the complexity that exists there, the underlying affection just beyond the animosity. It's a fun thing to explore. And Eleven's temporary retirement is a time I can't help coming back to over and over.

And I may be a smidge addicted to Ainley. *blushes* ^.^