Slice ('Blade' entry)

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Title: 'Slice'
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Introspection, Horror
Word Count: 407
Pairings or Characters: The Master (Academy Era)
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Mild psychological horror

Summary: From you, all I wish is simple understanding. That's all I ask. I can't take your pity.

I think they think I'm insane. Most of the time, I have a feeling that they might be right about me.

On bad days...I know they're right.

The madness carves at me, knifelike. A thousand blades scoring my brain, slashing at my flesh from beneath the skin. Threatening to force its way to the surface.

Sometimes...sometimes it succeeds...

I see the looks in their eyes when I pass by. At first, they tried to hide it. But now they show it openly, as though they know that I know it's there.

I see their fear.

Their fear doesn't trouble me. It doesn't keep me awake at night. What keeps me awake is the fact that I'm starting to enjoy that fear. I'm beginning to relish it. I have the strongest urge to cultivate it, to encourage it to grow. Until it puts forth the most exquisite blooms of sheer terror.

I'm half-afraid of what I'm becoming, even as I ache for it. Something in my soul wants to shatter before their eyes, mad laughter bubbling up from this darkness that tries to bleed me dry.

Something deep within me wants to show them all...force them to see what I'm fighting so hard to contain. Something wants to sever all ties to anything resembling sanity.

You trust me, though, don't you? You don't fear me as they do.

Do you?

Please...tell me that you, of all people, still trust me.

Can't you hear me screaming, begging for your help?

Can't you see these wounds of mine, gaping and raw?

Don't--please don't--don't look at me with pity in your eyes. From them, I could almost endure pity. But from you...

Your pity would be my poison. I think it would destroy whatever remains of who I was before. Would rip to shreds whatever's good in me. If anything good was ever there, to begin with.

From you, all I wish is simple understanding. That's all I ask. I can't take your pity.

Your pity would slice through me, cut me to the quick. Leave my soul exposed to the mercilessness of the elements.

Hear me. See me reaching out for you. Try to understand me.

Please. I need you to understand me. For no one else ever could.

If you won't give me your understanding...

...then I will take your fear...

...I shall be the scalpel that slices you to ribbons...

...and you will know no mercy from me...

Comments

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Thanks, sweetheart! I so love writing him; he's fun; and I think the madness only helps; great angles to explore, there. :)

*hugggggggggggggg* Oooh...my fic inspired a shiver! *is pleased* ♥

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

Excellent! You can really feel how the Master is in a spiral down, slowly starting to relish the feeling. And how he needs the Doctor.

But I suspect that the Doctor do understand, regardless what the Master think. He just don't agree with him.

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Thanks very much! :D

And, yes, I quite believe you're right, there: Understanding, but not agreeing. There's a considerable difference, there. :)

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, I had to listen to a long argument between two co-workers recently and that was exactly what was going on, A understood perfectly what B thought, but didn't agree but B just couldn't see that someone could understood what he meant and still not agreeing. It went on for hours!

You almost makes me feel sorry for the Master at times, but only as long as I don't think of him destroying worlds and such. :)

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Lol, that sounds like quite a mess!

Wow, thanks! He is a character one can't help feeling sorry for now and then (when he is not hell-bent on destruction/domination; I quite agree with you, there). I feel particularly bad for him in 'The Five Doctors': Offering to help, being mistrusted and rejected (though, really, what else can a man like that expect?), only to turn out to be a pawn in another man's game.

And, my God, is he ever fun to write!

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

It was very tedious.

I think that is why the Master is so interesting. A villain that is just pitch black through and through gets boring, but the Master has patches that can be almost white, or at least grey. It's easy to see how alike he and the Doctor really is, and how little that was probably needed to set them apart.

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Yes, he'd be pointless if he were one-dimensional. This way, there's more depth, more of an enigma, etc.

[flowsoffire.livejournal.com]

Very vivid, once more—the italics parts especially. And that yearning for the Doctor's trust, how his pity would destroy him—wonderful ♥

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Thanks so much, Azzie! :D ♥

[gallif-migrant.livejournal.com]

Dark and haunting. Bravo!

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Thanks very much! :)

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

Oh my... oh my gosh *sniffles* something so beautiful within this story despite the hints of something slightly bitter and bland. The Master is such a fascinating being with so much in his mind and soul to scribble about.

You can always create something beautiful out of something so dangerous and broken. Thanks so much for this, I loved it so much!

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Thanks very, very much! :D I wasn't expecting anyone to react so strongly. ♥

[paynesgrey.livejournal.com]

Wonderful introspection and a great look into his thoughts. Great job.

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Thanks! :)