Birds Gotta Bird. Monkeys Gotta Monkey. Silurians... ("Wild Animal" entry)

[dancingdragon3.livejournal.com]

Title: Birds Gotta Bird. (Monkeys Gotta Monkey. Silurians...)

Author: dancingdragon3

Characters: Vastra, Jenny, Twelve, Missy, Bill, Nordole.

Rating/Genre: PG, gen, mild violence, dark humor, possibly disturbing to animal lovers.

Length: ~ 630 words.

Warnings:

Accidental violence to a pet, dining on wildlife.

Disclaimer: Written for fun, not profit.

Summary: Once again, time travel goes awry, landing our heroes on the prehistoric Pacific coast. This is me seeing what would happen if I threw them all together.

Notes: Written for who_contest, prompt “wild animal”.

Also written for puzzleprompts August 2017.

Language Note: The word ‘malaq’ is based on the word for ‘large bird’ in Halkomelem, the Native American language ‘sasquatch’ derives from. (Guess what this fic was originally supposed to be about :-)

Pain lanced Vastra’s brain when Jenny’s new pet monkey gave a high-pitched noise of displeasure as they landed. The sound from the TARDIS bothered him, apparently, but it seemed Kiko spent most of his energy babbling unintelligible complaints in that horrendous screech. It was gradually wearing Vastra’s nerves down to nubs, but Jenny adored the hairy little robot, so she was loathe to mention her growing hatred for it.

“Welcome to 23rd century Vancouver, largest city of the culturally advanced and peaceful nation of Pacifica!” Unfortunately, the Doctor was looking back inside the TARDIS during his grand announcement, so didn’t notice the untamed jungle outside the doors.

“Ummm, Doctor?” Bill pointed.

Missy sat down with a flounce and a sigh.

With an eager expression, Jenny smiled up at Vastra, then went over to the chest that held their weapons, the brown and white nuisance clinging to her overcoat.

“There’s not a city out there, is there?” The Doctor’s shoulders slumped.

Besides Nordole shaking his head, a massive orange and blue bird flew inside as answer. As it swooped around the glowing pipes of the time rotor, it squawked loudly, showing that it’s long, narrow reptilian beak was lined with sharp, short teeth.

And she remembered. Her people had called them malaqs. Though the ones she recalled had been orange and purple.

Missy aimed her umbrella, but the Doctor was at her side in a tick. “No!” His swat caused the laser bolt to go wild, hitting Nordole instead of the bird. He fell back against the console then onto the floor, shaking with shock.

Pity, Vastra thought, remembering how good malaqs tasted. Being closer, she headed to check on Nordole, pulling out the scanner the Doctor had gifted her with a few trips ago. “Jenny, did we bring the net,” she called.

“Got it!”  The woven hemp net was large, but weighted so one person could throw it easily.

Kiko leapt down from Jenny’s shoulder, scampered over and up onto the console. There, he jumped around the levers and monitors like a wild thing, waving his arms, swishing his tail, and chattering threateningly at the intruder.

“Kiko, get down,” Vastra said in a half-hearted whisper. His antics were actually a good distraction from Jenny quietly stalking her target, now perched on a high rail.

The Doctor moved slowly from around the console’s other side, holding up his sonic screwdriver. Just as Jenny threw the net, the malaq took off, aimed straight at Kiko...now only a few tiny steps away from Vastra’s face.

The Doctor’s stunning bolt missed. There was a blur of orange, blue, and brown. Wind ruffled Vastra’s blouse. Feathers, fur, and screeches that made her wince. Then it was the sound of crashing glass and unexpected sparks that filled with air. Vastra ducked and threw herself over Nordole, slapping at the bit of flaming metal that landed on his shoulder.

“Missy, stop!” the Doctor yelled.

Vastra looked up in time to see the malaq soar out of the TARDIS, screaming monkey flailing in its beak.

“Kiko, no!” Jenny grabbed up the net and ran after them.

“Jenny, wait!” Shout unheaded, Vastra stowed the scanner away in a pocket as she ran to the trunk. She quickly secured and unsheathed her sword. Then it was the Doctor’s yelling and Missy’s cackling laughter that followed her out of the doors and into the hot, humid jungle beyond.

A few hours later found them all back inside the TARDIS, freshly bathed and bandaged, taking part in an impromptu funeral for a robot damaged beyond repair. Her poor Jenny was despondent after finding her pet...as they had. Vastra worked to maintain an appropriately somber expression, but it was difficult with the delicious aroma of roasting malaq wafting up from under the console.